A Night With Irish Mary

YES ITS FRIDAY NIGHT DOWN AT THE PUB
AND ALMOST EVERYONE IS HERE
THE’RE HERE TO SEE IRISH MARY
AND TOSS DOWN A LOCAL BEER
YES HERE WE ARE AGAIN
AT THE PUB ON FRIDAY NIGHT
IT’S THE ONLY PLACE IN KALANGADOO
WHERE A BLOKE CAN GET A FIGHT.

NOW THE MOB IS CALLED TO ORDER
BY THE LANDLORD BILLY STEERS
AS THE FIGHTERS STEP INTO THE RING
THERE’S THE SOUND OF MANY JEERS
“WE WANT IRISH MARY”
THE MOB BEGIN TO SHOUT
BUT THEY’LL WAIT A LITTLE LONGER
CAUSE SHE’S IN ANOTHER BOUT.

FIRST UP IT IS THE FEATHERWEIGHTS
YES LITTLE DICK IS LOOKING KEEN
BUT MAD MICK THE MIDGET
IS LOOKING FAR MORE MEAN
HE’S BEEN AROUND A LOT LONGER
THEN MOST FIGHTERS WOULD ADMIT
BUT A GALLON OR TWO OF THE LOCAL BREW
HAS KEPT HIM PRETTY FIT.

NOW THE FIGHTS THEY DON’T LINGER
AND THIS BOUT WENT MUCH THE SAME
MAD MICK THREW A RIGHT HAND
AND DICK’S HEAD WAS REARRANGED
NO ONE THERE COULD QUITE BELIEVE
THE MIDGET WAS SO QUICK
NONE EXCEPT THE BLOKE ON THE FLOOR
NOW KNOWN AS LIMP LITTLE DICK.

NEXT UP IT WAS THE MAIN EVENT
IT LOOKED A BET IN TWO
ONE WAS JOE THE BUTCHER
BUT HE HAD A BOUT OF FLU
IN THE OTHER CORNER
STANDING TALL AND QUITE CONTRARY
WAS THE FIGHTER WE ALL FAVOURED
SHE WAS KNOWN AS IRISH MARY.

NOW WHEN THE BELL IT SOUNDED
JOE CAME OUT A RAGING BULL
LEFT AND RIGHTS WENT FLYING
BUT MARY HADN’T LEFT THE STOOL
WHEN JOE PULLED OUT A TISSUE
TO BLOW THE MUCOUS FROM HIS NOSE
HE DID NOT SEE IRISH MARY
SPRING FORWARD ON HER TOES.

YES MARY TOOK FULL ADVANTAGE
WHEN JOE CLOSED HIS EYES
THE TOP OF JOE’S BALDY HEAD
REACHED MARY’S SHAPELY THIGHS
SO WHEN MARY LIFTED HER KNEE
SQUARELY UNDER THE BUTCHERS CHIN
THE COUNT SOON WENT FROM ONE TO TEN
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIM.

SO ANOTHER FIGHT IS OVER
WITH BLOOD AND GUTS UPON THE FLOOR
ST. JOHNS AGAIN WERE NEEDED
AND THE SALVO’S TOOK THE DOOR
IRISH MARY TOOK THE WINNERS CHEQUE
THEN RETURNED TO THE RIDGE
TO GIVE HER NOW ACHING KNEE
AN HOUR IN THE FRIDGE.

YES HERE I AM AGAIN
AT THE PUB ON FRIDAY NIGHT
IT’S THE ONLY PLACE IN KALANGADOO
WHERE A BLOKE CAN GET A FIGHT
I’VE PLUCKED UP THE COURAGE
TO DON A GLOVE OR TWO
AND HAVE A NIGHT WITH MARY
AND TASTE HER IRISH STEW.